The Time

I know now that I didn’t see what kind of man you are.
Had never met a man like you before.
Treasure.
Years and decades rolled past.
Did I mishandle your heart?

I know nothing now. Nothing, I whisper.
Show me. Hold our hands. Closer. Warmer.
Be still beside me as long as you like.
The time is only drops. Drops. Drops.

Kim Avila
LettingHerOut
10/14/2022

Always for Bad Hombre.

NERD CHIC LOUD AND PROUD!

I do not need this. I bought it for myself as a TREAT! ❤️❤️❤️❤️.

Raising my glass to you OLIN LEO HASTIN, most amazing grandfather of ALL TIME!!!!!

Child of Fire

To my brothers and sisters and every child of fire❤️
I hope when you look back
At your past of pain.
That you judge yourself gently.
That you see yourself mighty.
I hope when you let yourself touch the scar
For just the briefest whisper of a moment
That you judge yourself gently
That you see yourself mighty.

Not every blade is forged by fire.
Only the most sought.
The most durable.
The most resilient.
The most brilliant.
The sharpest blades are the ones forged by fire.

I hope when you look back
On the battlefields of your past.
That you judge yourself gently.
That you see yourself mighty.
I hope when you are counting your coin
And deciding how tall you stand
Next to the yardstick crafted by those who know nothing.
About you. About your life.
About your struggles and your triumphs.
I hope that standing there you see
The greatness you have shared
Walking this earth with kindness, acceptance.
Sharing your laughter and warmth.

Child of fire you have walked past your past.
Swam past
Ran past
Laughed past
Cried past
And on the way made a full life.
And on the way you loved and were loved.
Child of fire set down your past.
You have carried it so far. ❤️

For my sisters and brothers. And for every child of fire.



Kimmy the Goat
lettingherout
08/10/2022
Secret location 😉




Hey friends! I’m posting two audio recordings along with the printed poem today. I’m super nervous about that (lame I know) but my Beloved Desert Camel homie said my poems are COMPLETELY different when I read them how I mean them. Sooooo let’s see what you think? I would love love any comments or criticism. Should I keep recording them? I hope you all have an amazing day of adventure!

❤️ Kimmy the Goat

GO!

Audio recording of poem GO! by Kim Avila
Is this a road show ? Or a shit show?
Baby I don’t know but we gotta GO!
Is this the right way or the wrong road?
Baby I don’t know but we gotta BLOW!
We can stand here talking about what used to be.
And we can stand here squawking about was it you or was it me.
But baby maybe I’m thinking
Just maybe baby I’m thinking
If we just stand here spinning in circles.
We’ll sure get nowhere fast.
Is this a comedy show? Or a dog and pony show?
Baby I don’t know but we gotta GO!
Is this the way it’s supposed to be or the way I thought you would love me?
Baby I don’t know but we gotta BLOW!


Emergency poem written exclusively for Heather Bell Pepper.

Kim Avila
#lettingherout
8/24/2032 838pm

Working Man

Run your sweet rough hands all down my body working man.

Not layin on your momma’s couch. Not hidin in your daddy’s basement.

Workin man you can lay all up in my bed. The promise of those hard brown arms makin me think these chores might wait.

Not runnin when the job gets tough. No time for stitches.

Workin man it might be a long road home tonight. I’ll meet you there when the sun goes down.

Not leavin when the life gets hard. Strap down that load when love seems fragile.

Workin man by my side. Workin man in my bed. Workin man in my blood. Workin man in my head.

Kim Avila #lettingherout

To Bad Hombre. The love of my life.

09/27/2022

Today.

Today feels so heavy. The effort too great. Seemingly unable to meet my obligations this fine morning.

Sunshine. Fresh breeze. Russia and China sitting in a tree. K – I – S – S – I – N – G.

My sweet sisters of the north. Wrap your courage round your shoulders tight as you send your babies off to school.

Kim Avila

#lettingherout

09/27/2022

Home of the Brave

What was it all for?

What did you think you were doing?

The guns the vests the badges.

All that swagger. All that bravado.

Yet it seems you all left at home 

the one thing those babies

needed you to bring that day.

Your balls.

Not one.

Not one “officer” brave enough.

“Orders”? “Orders”?

You should have taken down 

anyone who stood in your way.

Anyone who stood in your way

to save babies 

wearing t-shirts.

While you straightened 

your bullet proof vests in the hallway.

Lay down your badge now.

Lay down your gun.

The babies needed a hero.

There were none.

💔

*I’m NOT sorry if you are offended or feel I’ve jumped to conclusions. I’m sorry that there are 19 mommies and daddies crying their eyes out. I’m sorry that there are brothers and sister so very devastated. I’m sorry that I share dirt with people who think their petty desires are more important than protecting the innocent. I’m sorry that border patrol agents who have no problem shooting unarmed immigrants fleeing tragedies, didn’t have the guts to take down someone killing 10 year olds for an hour. I am NOT sorry that you don’t like what I have to say. This is art. This is therapy. This is a mother of 5 children and 5 grandchildren’s response to this insanity.

MAKE IT STOP!

Self-Care Guide – The Trevor Project

Self-Care Guide – The Trevor Project
— Read on www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/guide/self-care-guide/

Painted like the sky

So be still with me my love

while the flames just pass us by.

And all of our struggles

will be painted like the sky.

KimAvila.com

Sweet sick Kim,
Do not question that. Just bathe in it. Your struggle is so heavy. Forgive yourself if you don’t do it perfect. Don’t worry about why they don’t understand. Hold yourself tight. Wipe your own tears sweet woman. Some days are harder than you can explain.
There might be no answers. There might be no cure.  There might be no reconciliation that doesn’t feel like failure.  There might be only imperfect attempts at raw human contact. 
I’m not even sure if it matters why you struggle or if you should struggle.  Not sure.
I have no answers.
Just wake up tomorrow and try one more day.  One more day.
❤️

Published tonight so I have to read it tomorrow.

Brush, Colorado.

The sad suit

I just saw a man wearing a tan business suit and I had to stop myself from yelling out to him. “I’m sorry you have a life that makes you wear a tan suit!”. Make a life that makes you happy. And if that includes a tan suit well I’ll just stop being judgy!

Sunrise

No such thing as “just” a mother.
Simple humble glorious goddess of humanity.
Precious woman. Precious.
Magic and heartbreak and blood and pain and love.
So much love.
Don’t fear your own ferocity.
Embrace. Love girl. Love yourself as you love them.
Your creation. Your masterpieces.
The sweat. The tears. All those tears.
Shed like swords in defense of your fragile seeming yet unbreaking courage.
Lay down and rest sweet sweet mother.
Then rise.
Rise up!
Rise up!
Your gloriously imperfect struggle has given us all life!
I said LIFE! No less than LIFE!
A kiss for your forehead.
My arms wrapped around you so tight!
Mama mama wipe those tears.
You are the sunrise.

For my Heather, my Tahina, my Clarissa.

KimAvila.com
Letting_her_out

#michaelkiwanukatherapy

music.youtube.com/watch

#michaelkiwanukatherapy

#michaelkiwanuka

#light

#reallifeisstruggle

#believethat

#youhavewhatittakes

@michaelkiwanuka thank you for getting me through this day.

I offer a sword for your fight against anxiety and depression!

It’s not magic but YOU are! ❤️


1) Imagine the WORST POSSIBLE WORST CASE SCENARIO EVER!

2) Write it down in your phone or whatever. Be detailed. Write down EXACTLY what you are afraid of happening. If you don’t even know that ok! That’s just more options.

3) Now TRAIN FOR THAT! Make a plan. Exercise plan, supply plan, hidden bunker plan. Make a plan for WHATEVER IT IS GOING TO TAKE to get you through that scenario!

4) Possibly the most critical step. CHOOSE YOUR MISSION FIGHT SONG!

5) THIS IS THE HARDEST STEP! As anyone with anxiety or depression can tell you, taking a step, any step, can feel impossible. I know. I get it. So let’s try this. YOU choose the step because it’s YOUR worst case scenario! Only YOU know what this mission takes. So you decide the step and how big or small it is. It may be choosing your costume. It may be 2 sit-ups. It may be charging your cellphone! It’s up to you.❤️


Never give up. Get through life how you need to get through it. Don’t worry about people judging you. They are just hiding their pain too❤️ This shit is hard. But there are people who need YOU to help THEM get through it. Yep. You🥰

🌮🌮🌮🌮🌮🌮🌮🌮🌮🌮🌮🌮🌮🌮🌮🥰

Coat spawn

Back to Back

Back to Back

At last my love.
So long a road.
At last we seem to have perhaps learned.
To stand back to back.
Together. Turn the fire out not in to ourselves.
So long a road.
But here we are.
Love.
Here we stand
still standing
Together.
Love.

Space For Love

 

Did I come off as overbearing?
With my endless unsolicited and ever more elaborate suggestions.
Did it feel like I think
I’ve got it all figured out.
Perhaps my own business was the one I should attend to.

But did you know love.
That I was desperate to help you.
But did you know love.
That the place you hold in my heart is such
that I can’t just look away.
Leave you there.
Hurt and searching.

Can we make a space between us that has room for all of that?
Space enough for my fierce love.
For my mistakes made trying to scream over the thunder.
Words talked over.
Moments misread.

Can we make a space between us with room for error?
Forgiveness.
Space for misunderstandings to turn to dust.

Intentions.

 

 


Kim Avila
12/19/2021
#LettingHerOut
(Written at Kaiser clinic)

Volcano

You wish me to be more calm.
More relaxed. Gently overlooking. Graciously sharing. Not jealous just loyal.
But darling. That isn’t how I love you.
I love you like a volcano.
Without warning. Exploding ash into the sky.
I love you like flames licking your feet.
My glowing jewelry lava fingers chasing you trapping you trying so gently to caress you.
Always escaping until my fingers reach the ocean.
Where they at last cool and we can be together in my fine steam I have made for us.


Kim Avila
KimAvila.com
@letting_her_out
02/20/2022

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